my primary ways of showing my friends affection are cooking for them and being extremely annoying and I can’t cook for them over the internet

wine for idiots

WHITE WINE

if you want to make a wine person very unhappy, say that a white wine they like "is giving me a little green bell pepper?"

RED WINE

honestly the only two questions you need to start credibly talking about red wine are "does it taste like red fruits (strawberry/cherry/raspberry) or black fruits (blackberry/plum)?" and "does it taste oaky (i.e. gently sweet and earthy in a way youd associate with coffee or chocolate or warming spices)

if its a fancy dry wine (not a dessert wine, not port, manischewitz or markovic) dont say "sweet," say "juicy"

FIZZY WINE

if its red and fizzy its probably a lambrusco

if youre drinking champagne talk about the "minerality," even chalk notes if youre feeling gutsy. you dont have to taste it just say it

ORANGE WINE

this is very trendy. youre gonna want to talk about its "funkiness." if you use the term "gym socks" at the right time you will get a round of laughs or at least knowing nods. if you see shmutz in the bottom dont worry about it.

MISC

if you want a wine person to talk for a while and not ask you any questions just ask them how they feel about natural wine. theyll go on for a little and you can decide to agree or disagree based on how hot they are

i dont think anyone should know anything

i miss when you could make political art without placing personal identity (and the self) at the center of everything

this piece (“artist bio” by anna daliza) sort of perfectly sums it up. the emphasis on identity politics and tokenization in art/music/performance spaces feels reductive and exploitative- like it offers a sort of racial tourism for the wealthy white patrons. none of what im saying are original thoughts btw go see White by james ijames

Milla Jovovich answering fans’ questions during an AOL online chat, 1995.

a.j. hamilton - don’t shoot thy messenger

buying ppl things is SUCH a rush.. even if it’s just like.. a bag of their favorite chips or whatever.. the thought of someone experincing even a split-second burst of happiness bc they didn’t expect to get some of their favorite chips that day? what a thrill! love it

i want all the people i love to be happy forever

new booty shorts meme idea

An incomplete guide to how to talk to young children (3-5 years old):

- Do not assume they understand your instructions the first time. They will ask you the same question three times. Answer it the same way, patiently. They will get it eventually.

- Children will ask strings of “why” questions. They’re not trying to be annoying; they don’t have a lot of the context older people have. Answer until you can’t, then admit you don’t know and ask them a question back. They’ll get distracted for the moment, and trust that you take their questions seriously.

- If you need a kid to do something, give a reason, but don’t give up at “I don’t want to”. If they don’t listen, it’s okay to say “I explained why, and I still need you to do it.” Be calm, and firm. Usually, kids will listen the second or third time.

- If a kid doesn’t listen to an instruction repeatedly, there’s probably something in the way. Ask them why they’re not *without accusing them*, and they’ll tell you what’s going on most of the time. Common reasons: I’m scared, I don’t know how, I miss my parent/sibling, I’m tired, I’m angry/frustrated/sad, I need help. Address the roadblock and help find a compromise that works for the both of you.

- Threats are only as good as you can enforce them. If you threaten them with a countdown, you need a consequence to back it up that is appropriate to the request. For example: “I need you to stay in your chair. I’m going to count to five. If I get to five, and you’re not sitting in your seat with your feet on the floor, I am writing down that you were not listening during snack time on your behavior report.” Keep in mind that these threats only work if the consequence is at the right level; too harsh, and they’ll get overwhelmed and shut down, but too light, and they won’t see it as a consequence. A kid who doesn’t care what their behavior report says won’t worry about a bad report as a consequence.

- Never scream at a child. Never hit them. Never continuously escalate consequences until they do what you say. These behaviors cause a child to panic, and their fear response will prevent them from doing what you want them to, as well as make them more distrusting of you in the future. It’s not just cruel, it is actively counterintuitive to correcting their behavior.

- Make a point to notice and compliment/reward good behavior, especially with kids you are biased to view as “rude” or “badly behaved”. Kids take the views of adults seriously, and if they feel as though they can’t redeem themselves in your eyes, they won’t waste energy trying. Complimenting good behavior when you see it will encourage them to repeat good behaviors to earn your praise. In addition, if there’s other children nearby, they will also mimic the complimented behavior to earn the same praise. Give it.

- Kids want to feel heard. If they want to show or tell you “something cool”, and you have a few moments, watch/listen and compliment them *regardless of if you get it or not*. If you don’t have time, say “That sounds really cool! Can you tell me after we do [insert thing]?” This tells them that you care while still making sure they do what they need to.

- Kids can be downright frustrating sometimes, especially when they need to do something and they just *won’t*. Recognize when you’re getting angry, and learn to stop talking before you direct that anger at them. Take some deep breaths, remind yourself that this too shall pass, and try a different approach.

- Always understand why you’re asking a child to do something. Not only does this help you tell them why they need to, it helps you find replacement behaviors if they can’t/won’t do it. For example: “I need you to lay down and try to sleep, because your friends are sleeping and what you’re doing right now is waking them up. If you can’t sleep after trying for a while, we can work together to find you a quiet activity that you can do at your cot.”

- Don’t expect from a child what you wouldn’t expect from yourself. Could you stand laying still and staring at the ceiling for an hour when you’re not tired? No? Don’t ask a kid to do it. Could you stand staying out in the cold for an hour without a jacket? No? Don’t ask a kid to do it. Could you stand someone yelling at you without feeling angry? No? Don’t ask a kid to do it. Even if you think you could do it, consider if you could do it with the same limitations this child has. Could you do it without the emotional regulation and impulse control you’ve developed as an adult? Could you do it without the inference skills you’ve learned after years of social interactions? Could you do it when you felt angry, tired, overwhelmed, hungry, thirsty, desperately needing to pee with no bathroom nearby? If not, don’t ask a child to do it.

- Don’t react to potty words, insults, or offensive language. Don’t laugh, and don’t act upset. Use the same tone you would if someone said something innocuous, and correct them in that tone. “We don’t say that; that’s a hurtful thing to say to someone.” Or “That’s not funny. Let’s talk about something else.”

- Kids don’t (and should not) have a sense of sexual innuendo or puberty. A four year old doesn’t understand that reaching up to hug you and touching your breasts in the process is gross. A five year old doesn’t understand that “why aren’t you a mommy?” or “why does your face have red dots on it” are weird questions to ask random people. Enforce boundaries without delving into details. “Don’t touch me there; that makes me uncomfortable” and “That’s just how it works sometimes” can be used to great effect. Importantly, don’t act angry or use a tone that indicates they did something wrong; this will seem to them like you’re arbitrarily angry.

- Kids at this age don’t have a strong sense of cognitive empathy or predicting the future. The idea that actions have consequences beyond the immediate result is a very, very new concept to them. Be prepared to explain the obvious of “why can’t I bite her when she makes me mad?”, “why can’t I steal his toy when he stole mine?”, and “why do I have to do what you tell me when I don’t want to?”

- Give explicit instructions. “Stop that” isn’t likely to be understood by a four year old. “Stop throwing the toys; please put them in the bucket gently” is far easier for a kid to follow.

Important to remember is that at that age kids can really only follow 2-3 steps at a time so breaking things into smaller steps is important but so is waiting for them to finish the steps they remember before giving new ones.

We are also seeing in the wake of 2020-21 school year that many children up to fourth grade are struggling with a complex list of instructions and some finer motor skills that could not be practiced while distance learning. Please be patient, they had a major disruption during a very important part of their development. Usually they are also frustrated that they can’t do something at the level they are expected to.

Ophelia

id rather you have cringy but honest interests than try and act like everything youve ever loved was in an ironic way cause you think that love for simple or useless or silly things is beneath you . pathetic! embrace existence with both hands coward